The women pictured above are quite fantastic. These daring, patient, passionate and fearless women love me with reckless abandon. They are my best friends, my sisters.
In the past eighteen months, I got engaged, traveled to Turkey, Romanian and Hungary, got married, had a health scare and accomplished a rather large professional goal. Four months ago, I realized that the person I'd become was not the me that I used to love. I couldn't find that woman. I knew she was in me, somewhere. I also knew that I needed help finding her. I asked for help. This was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I am proud. I have extremely high expectations of myself and I believe that I can and should be able to do everything and anything for everyone in my life. I found a therapist, M, and began going to weekly session. In the first month, I learned that I am a perfectionist. This blew my mind. I would never have characterized myself as a perfectionist. I learned that I suffer from extremely high anxiety. I thought I was living with mild anxiety. Last but not least, my perfectionism and anxiety are rooted in shame. Rooted. In. Shame. This was a huge shock. I don't think of myself as a shameful person. Alas, all of the discoveries were needed.
I am learning to like myself. I will love myself. . . with reckless abandon.
